For some of you, healing will mean moving through transition and into the spirit world, this is part of the divine plan and a place where all of us must travel at some time.

Death is something which isn’t talked about and if you are facing your own imminent death, it can be very frightening, there will be a lot of pressure to have more chemo, to continue to be positive, to continue to fight for the sake of those around you.

But I would ask you to ask yourself, “What do I want?” Remember those around you are losing just you, but you are leaving everybody, this is your time, your life and your choice. On the positive side, you have received notice, you know that your life is coming to an end and you can take this time to prepare for it.

The best way to help and guide you on this to tell you the story of my friend…

Grace was a second degree student of mine, having been on the Reiki journey for about 5 years. In November 2007 she left me a message on the answer machine saying that “I’ve been diagnosed with liver cancer, is there anything you can do to help me with this little problem?”

I was passing her house that night and called round. I told her how sorry I was to hear about her trouble and that there was a lot I could do to help. Now Grace, of all the people I know, she so didn’t deserve this, she was a kind and generous woman, spiritual and wise.

And so we began our healing teams and what we call “Reiki Chemo”, 21 days of Reiki every day, sometimes I went on my own, sometimes with others, sometimes we had a full house, sometimes just a couple of us, but everyday we went and the improvement in her was immense. At the end of the treatments she was pain free and her tumour was reducing (something that is rare with Liver cancer). I talked to her about making a pact with the cancer – (I won’t try and get rid of you and you won’t try to get rid of me, we will live in harmony). Now Grace had a son, who although now he was grown up, he had been her only son and she had bought him up on her own. He was everything to her and he wanted her to have chemotherapy, of course he did, he didn’t do Reiki and wanted her to try anything to get better. She told me she wanted to do the pact but would do the chemotherapy instead even though she knew it was unlikely to work.

The chemo sessions were awful, she would shake uncontrollably for hours afterwards, it didn’t suit her and it didn’t work. The cancer continued to spread, into her hip and spine. In May they replaced her hip and she went into a local hospice to recover.

It was while she was here that she phoned and asked me to go in to see her, she wanted to talk pacts. I worried all day about what I could say to her, what I should say to her. I knew that the cancer was spreading, she was weak and whilst she continued to have treatment there was little I could do to help her (not that I could have ever said that to her). It was too late for pacts, I knew that and I knew that what I needed to talk to her about was dying.

When I got to the Hospice, I could see that she had been looking out for me, she had been waiting for me all morning. I needn’t have worried, she knew what she wanted to talk about and I then proceeded to have probably the most amazing talk I have ever had with anyone.

She firstly spoke about having more treatment, she didn’t want it but didn’t want to let her son down, she didn’t want to be seen as giving up. We talked it through, she asked me what I thought, I said if it was me, I wouldn’t be having more treatment but would support her on whatever she decided. She said she had decided not to have more treatment and we talked about how she was going to tell her son.

Once that choice was made, there was another. I asked her what she wanted to do with Reiki and as I saw it, there were two options. Firstly, I could pull out all the stops, get practically constant Reiki into her, work through her stuff and all the reasons why she had cancer and then make a pact. If I did this for her, she had to have unwavering faith that she was going to get better. Option 2 was to use Reiki for pain relief and ultimately prepare her for a good death.

She thought for a minute and said through tears that she didn’t have the energy to fight it anymore but she didn’t want to be seen to give up, it would break her son’s heart and hers too.

She had faith, not the same as mine but a belief in the afterlife. I remember saying that death was just a transition and I could so see why leaving a body in pain, returning to light and being with her Dad would be more appealing. She wasn’t giving up, she was making the choice to have a good death. A death that would be a positive experience for her and for everyone around her. She seemed to lighten and I gave her Reiki and left a little while later.

I was pensive as I left, I thought I had done a good job, but you know, this is big stuff and I didn’t know how she would be once she had thought it through. I went in the next day and was astonished at the difference in her. She looked so much better, a light shone from within her and she looked really peaceful.

Over the following weeks we talked about lots of stuff, she had been through terrible times and it was easy to see why she had ended up with liver cancer. She also started to prepare herself, she spoke her truth to those around her and I watched as she released loads of karma in preparation for the next stage. We sent healing to her past and sent healing to key relationships in her life, so there would be positive energy there when the time came to let go.

She told me that she wasn’t afraid of dying, she would be with her Dad again but she was afraid of the deterioration, that she would linger, that those around her would have to watch her slowly and painfully die.

Her final weeks were happy ones. She had a stair lift put in, her son bought his wedding forward and the week before she died, she went to see Neil Diamond! Those days were quality days, she was in little pain and she was sorting out her stuff.
I saw her on the Monday, I found it virtually impossible to get any energy into her and I wondered if she was beginning to start transition. By Thursday she was in hospital, by Sunday we were sat by her bedside to give her Reiki while she passed over.

On that Sunday I told my kids (who knew Grace and watched her really big telly when I went to do the cancer teams on her) that she was packing her stuff to get ready to leave with the Angels. My youngest asked if she was dying, I said that she was, but that was OK. My daughter made her a card and when I looked at it, it said “Have a happy journey to heaven” with a picture of her as an Angel. I wrote some words in it to, to thank her for her lessons and inspiration.

When we got to the hospital, she was semi conscious, unable to speak or move. Her breathing was laboured but she seemed to know that we were there. We gave her Reiki and sang mantras over her, I felt her spirit rising and shining as we sang over her. We took it in turns to say goodbye. When it was my turn, I stroked her hair and whispered to her “It’s time to go home sweetie”, she made a noise which I think was in acknowledgement. I told her not to be afraid, not to fight it, to look for the light, to keep looking for the light and watch for her Dad to come. I thanked her for her inspiration and friendship and that I would miss her. As I left, I kissed her on the head and said “Let me know that you got over safely”.

I lit a candle for her that evening to light her way into the next world and heard later that she died early the next morning.

Preparation is everything and her funeral was amazing, she had planned everything, the hymns, the readings, who was going to do the readings, where it was going to be etc. Although sad, what came over was what an amazing and inspirational woman Grace was and although you could argue that her time on the earth was shorter than it should have been (she was 60), hers was a life that had touched many in a positive way.

It was a few days after her death that I drove past her house and dropped off a card for her son. On the way home, I felt a strong presence in the car and I knew that it was her “checking in”.

The other day I was tidying up when I found a book she had given me “The Journey by Brandon Bays” Inside it was a little card she had put in for me, it was Desiderata and I recognised it from her funeral. I read it through and smiled, this was something she had left me with..

So in Summary

If you know that you are dying, accept that this is part of your healing and can be a positive experience.

Sort out your stuff, clear as much bad feeling you have about others. If it’s not appropriate to tell them, then write a letter of the non posting variety and burn it.

Tell your loved ones everything you want to tell them, they will be struggling to say these things to you as they won’t want you to think that they are giving up either.

Live every moment as if it is your last, take full advantage of every opportunity that comes your way for as long as you are able.

Choice to live well and have a good death.

If you need to email me about this or have a comment to make info@solent-reiki.com